Family

I am sitting in my big comfy chair, my hubby is in his recliner and our exchange student is sitting on the sofa. The Razorbacks are on and we are all on computers. The dog is going from person to person to see who has food. There is not a lot being said other than the occasional GO but it is comfortable and it feels good. This is my family. I am loving this.

I probably have said this before or talked about it before but this is family. I have come to realize that family is more than a bunch of people who are related by blood or marriage. I have an awesome family. I grew up around the corner from my dad's parents. I thought every person in America lived around the corner from their grandparents. My idea of family was altered when my parents divorced. Then it was altered again when I moved in with my dad after my mom moved out of state a year later.

My idea of family has been changing ever since. People have moved in and out of my life as need them. My dad died four months after I got married. When I need a dad God has always provided me one. He has also provided me with a mom or maybe a series of moms when I have needed them. It is awesome to sit here and think of how God provided for me just when I needed it. Right now there is a wonderful woman at church who loves me and encourages me and I love her (you know who you are S.A.) She is the woman that God has given me for this season of my life. I am truly blessed.

I also love being an aunt. Nieces and nephews are great, you can do fun stuff with them, feed them lots of sugar then take them home. The problem is that my closest ones live two hours away from me. God has given me nieces and nephews to do fun things with. Their parents even let me sugar them up and everything.

And now we are parents. Sort of, kind of. We have an exchange student living with us. I told a friend that I knew I would love him and have feelings for him but I thought it would be more like how I feel about my nephew. I didn't know that I would fall in love with him. That his wants would be greater than my needs. We tease each other and I think he is just like me or when he and hubby are both shaking their legs he is just like hubby,

When people get married they talk about having families of their own. What we don't realize is that we have a family of our own. My family is different than my siblings families and is different than your family. Your family could be all ginger haired or look like the United Nations but it doesn't matter because it is your family.


Teach Your Children
Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by.
And so become yourself because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well, their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they picked, the one you're known by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of the tender years can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your years, they seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well, their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they picked, the one you're known by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
 

Content

I sit here in my big comfy chair. (It is actually really comfy, I have fallen asleep in it twice and hubby spent a night in it after falling asleep during a football game.) I am in awe of my life right now.

Earlier today my church had a women's retreat. It was awesome. I love the women at my church. If I need to cry they let me, if I need a laugh they make me. God has met my needs at the church. I was able to focus on the Lord today. Not once did I wonder if I was missing something on Facebook (I missed nothing) I didn't check my phone every five minutes to see if I missed a call (not that many people call me) I didn't text anyone (that was hard for me) We were reminded to slow down several times today. There was time that we closed our eyes for fifteen minutes and did nothing. That was wonderful.

The only thing was that was talked about Sarai (Sarah.) You know Abraham and Sarah. The woman who had a baby when she was ninety? I love stories of women in the Bible. The story of Ruth, Rahab, Esther, Mary. LOVE those women. Sarah...eh, not so much. I can't tell you how may times in the past ten years that someone, with the best intentions, has told me that Sarah had Issiac when she was ninety, it is meant to make me feel better about not having children. I usually tell them that God and I discussed it and I am NOT going to have a baby when I am ninety. I do love Sarah's story. She was faithful. Faithful to her husband, faithful to God. She did make that mistake with Hagar but who hasn't taken situations in their on hands? She has a neat story and I am going to find out more about her.

When I think about being a mom, it's not about having a child of my own but making a difference in the life of a another person. To influence them, to give them unconditional love. To let them know they would always have safe place to come to in times of trouble. But most of all I wanted someone to call me "Mom." I would NEVER attempt to take that title from another woman. I wanted to earn it. I wanted to have the battle scars to show that I deserved it. I wanted someone to call me "Mom" cause they thought I deserved it. I knew that I was just biding my time. I knew that God was going to make me a MOM, maybe not a mother but I would be a Mom one day. I knew just like Sarah knew she was promised a child.

Last summer a wonderful girl started calling me Mom, it always made my heart skip a beat. This summer a precious girl in the youth group started calling me "Mommy" I thought she would stop at the end of summer when we stopped spending so much time together but she didn't. Her sister and grandmother asked me one day if  I had seen my daughter. I had to smile. Last week an older girl in the youth group started calling me mom. All of this was not prompted and not asked for.

Our exchange student calls me mom. Hubby tonight said that the student liked me better then him. He had gone to a thing at school this morning and I wasn't home when he came home. Hubby said the first thing he did when he got home was ask where I was. I try to assure hubby that he was liked too but of course I was doing the victory fist pump inside going "Yeah baby!!"

After years of pleading with God and trying to explain to Him why I needed a child and Him telling me no I finally understood. I am a mom. THIS is what I have been waiting for. How wonderful to know that the Lord answered my prayers. I wonder how He had to wait for me to calm down and realize that he had this in control? I am finally understanding what it means to be content.

Thank you LORD!!!

For I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. Philippians 4:11

Forever Chris Tomlin

Give thanks to the Lord
Our God and King
His love endures forever
For He is good, He is above all things
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
With a mighty hand
and outstretched arm
His love endures forever
For the life that's been reborn
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise

Yeah
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever

From the rising to the setting sun
His love endures forever
By the grace of God
We will carry on
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever
Forever
Forever

His love endures forever
His love endures forever
His love endures forever
Forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah
Forever you are faithful
Forever you are strong
Forever you are with us
Forever
And ever
Yeah

Forever you are faithful
Forever you are strong
Forever you are with us
Forever
Forever
You are God.....
Forever
And ever and ever ....

The Last 10 Years

Yesterday was the anniversary of the attacks on America by some radical men. I first wanted to say the attack on the World Trade Center but that leaves out the Pentagon and the plane that went down in Pennsylvania. I don't want to forget them. The people that responded to those tragedies were heroes too. In fact the people on the plane who determined that they were going to give their lives so others may live may be the bravest heroes. (Yes Firefighters and Police officers are heroes too. I have great respect for both of those professions.)

Last night while watching a program that showed memorials all over the world my hubby and I were talking about how it affected the World, not just America. He said that even Muslims were remembering with us. Well....that got me thinking (which is never a good thing) about the way we view people.

I asked him if he was scared of white men in their twenties, He laughed and said no. I reminded him of the Oklahoma City bomber and how he was a white guy and he blew up that building for something he believed in too, except he wasn't willing to die for his cause. We look at Timothy McVeigh and say "Not all Christians are like that" we know that is true. We know that we can't judge an entire population of people because of what one or two do. Surely we Christians don't want to be like that right?

Now what about Muslims? Can we judge an entire population of people because of what a few did? Yes there are still who want to kill Americans, but do you remember the KKK in the forties and fifties who wounded, maimed and killed untold numbers of people because they were black? We still don't judge ALL Americans or ALL Christians because of the callous acts of these few. The majority of Muslims are like you and me, they go to work everyday, they go grocery shopping, put gas in the car, take their children to soccer and dance, come home and cook dinner. Why judge ALL Muslims by the callous acts of a few?

Yes I want Muslims to be won to Christ. I want them to know the Truth but are we being, am I being what they need to see? Am I loving? Compassionate? Can I look past the hijab they wear to see the true person? Can I see that they don't agree with the radical Muslims no more that I agree with the radical Christians?

I have been thinking about this all day. I know some will be upset and call me a liberal because I don't think all Muslims all evil. If I want them to see me as I am then in turn I must see them as they are.

I think Matthew 5:44 says it all "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

A New Chapter

If you told me a month ago that my life was going to change I would have laughed at you. My life is my life. There are good things and bad things but for the last couple of months it's been on an even keel. I have been mostly (gasp) content. (Everyone has discontent moments)

Then all of a sudden...some kid at church told us that we needed to host an exchange student. After all we did have two spare rooms and the foster kid thing wasn't working out. We said no and laughed. Some time after that our pastor sent out an e-mail saying that a friend of his was a coordinator for an exchange student program and needed families. So we prayed about it and a week later we were waiting on a sixteen year from China.

So now we are sharing our home and our lives with a Chinese teenager. We are still settling in and getting to know each other but it feels like we've been doing this forever.

On Sunday night we were in the living room and he was practicing his sax I looked at my husband and we both knew he had done the right thing. Even the dogs like it when he practices.

It's like we really didn't know what we were missing until now. So now I am content, even more content than I ever imagined. Thank you Lord.

So now I have a new theme song...

The Happy Song

Hey!
CHORUS
Oh I could sing unending songs
Of how You saved my soul
Well I could dance a thousand miles
Because of Your great love

Verse 1
Yeah!
My heart is bursting Lord
To tell of all You've done
Of how You've changed my life, and wiped away the past
Oh I wanna shout it out
From every roof top sing
For now I know that God is for me not against me

CHORUS
Oh everybody dance!
Verse 1
CHORUS
Oh everybody dance!

Everybody's singin' now....cause we're so happy!
Everybody's dancin' now....cause we're so free!
If only we could see His face
And see Him smilin' over us
As unseen Angels celebrate, cause joy's in this place!

Tattoo

This is my left ankle, not my bootie!!! -------->

I have a tattoo. It s a very small tat that is one the inside of my left ankle. It took me a very long time to decide that I wanted it. It took four years after that to convince myself that I was not going to hell if I got it. Now that I have one I want more., at least two more.

Growing up I was the youngest child, problem with the being the youngest is that the road has already been paved by the time you start walking down it. I have a brother that followed the rules, a brother that was rebellious and a sister who was in-between. I watched them, tried to imitate a different characteristic in each. But the bottom line was that I towed the line. I didn't drink until I was 21, I have never smoked a cigarette, I can count the number of guys I dated on one hand. Of course I was in church every Sunday. I thought if I followed the rules people would love me.....

I did some things that were wrong...maybe not following ALL the rules..and I still didn't find the love I wanted...Then I met my hubby..I got the love I need...I realized that God had loved me like that the whole time.

I learned that it didn't matter what others thought of me- God loved me and hubby loved me and that was all that mattered.

So for the biggest act of rebellion in my life I got a tat when I was forty. My tat? As you can see is is an ichthus (a Christian fish.) How big? Smaller than a dime. I put it in a place I can see it everyday and it reminds my that Christ died for me, that God loves me no matter what. I also know that when I turned forty I did something that I have wanted to do for years and loved every minute of it. I have never regretted it. I think it would be cool when I die someone will go, she wasn't really a crabby old woman forever, she must have been cool once upon a time.

So I found a road that none of my siblings have gone down and very few of my members have gone down ( I think there is just three or four of us) Sometimes when you go a new way you are forging a way for those who come behind you. I don't think tats are right for everyone. But I believe that you must be who God made you to be, even if that means going off the beaten path every now and then.

Decisions Decisions

Several years ago through a series of events my hubby and I realized that God was leading us to leave the church we were attending. So we found another church. A church were we are accepted and loved for what we are. We still love the people at our old church but God was speaking and we moved.

We have been at the new church for two years now (we at the other one for 15 years.) Over the last two years I have wondered how big a part my hurt feelings had to do with it. Was I just throwing a hissy fit because I wasn't getting my way? Was I was trying to call someone's bluff cause I wanted them to tell me the church would never manage without me? Was I mad because no one was listening to me? The answer always came up no but I always wondered.

Now I love my new church. I love the CHURCH. I have found family there... moms, dads, sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews. People who celebrate my victories and mourn my losses. Every time we leave church I turn to my husband and say...I love our church. After two years to still feel that is a great thing.

Something happened on Sunday that forever sealed that decision my mind. It was little things that added up to big things. There was a community worship service at the old church. My hubby was singing in the choir. I was going. I don't know what I expected but I was trembling in fear. When I got out of my car I thought "Just like Daniel and the lions den" So I stuck out my chin and walked in. There stood a lady from the new church. "Praise the Lord, I don't have to go alone" was screaming in my head. Before I could even sit down two children (maybe teenagers, we act like children) wanted to sit by me. My heart burst with joy. All the fears I had God took care of.

My family was there for me. They love me. I also realize that my old church still love me too and although I worship with a new family now I don't have to choose between the two. it doesn't have to be one or another. A Girl Scout song says you can keep the old friends and still make new friends. Why as adults do we think we have to choose?

When we got home last night hubby and I were talking about the service and he summed it. "They love us" We can feel the love. Oh and they accept us as we are, warts and all. They accepted us when we walked through the door the first time.

Ramblings of an Insomniac 2

The past couple of weeks have been a wonderful time in my life. I went to church camp a month ago and spent a week. The way camp works is there is a three day camp for junior high kids and a four day camp for senior high camp. I stayed for both camps. My first thought was that I can skip the first three days of senior high cause it's the same stuff. I decided that if I wanted the kids to go I needed to go, so I did.

I am a note taker. If I don't take notes during a sermon my mind will wonder and I start thinking about where I am going for lunch and what I will eat when I get there. Then it's all I have to do during the week, the start looking at my husband wondering where he got the shirt he's wearing because I would not pick that out for him. Then I start looking around at the people and that is just something I don't want to talk about. So anyway I take notes.

After camp we shared with the church and I realized that the notes I took for each sermon were different. The same man preached on the same topic using the same verses but I got something totally different out of it each time. Pages and pages of notes that should have been the same but weren't. I now wonder if I look back on the notes I have taken over the years if they would be reflective of what I was going through at that time in my life?

I took a lot of notes at camp about being a leader, how to turn kids into leaders to be specific. I think it was sometime during the drive of taking kids back to church and picking them up to go to camp that I realized I WAS a leader. After that started listening with a new ear. God didn't just want the kids to be leaders but the adults too. I mean really who was going to lead the leaders?

So ALL of that to say this..

I the middle of over one thousand kids I realized how far I had strayed and I needed to get back on track. I prayed that god would give me new eyes to see with and ears to hear with. Most of the time we pray this thinking we are going to be able to tune the TV/radio we have in our hearts and heads so much quicker when we pray. I wanted to see people the way God saw people. I needed to change.

I came home talked to hubby and prayed. And prayed and listened to what God had told me. I knew that I needed a new start. So this past Sunday I (and hubby) rededicated my life to the Lord. It was a new start. I was humbled and blessed as our Pastor said that we were an important of the church and they had been blessed by US. I was humbled again when people came and hugged and told me how much I was loved.

I am grateful to a God of second chances. That He will never stop loving me. He will always let me come back. His grace is sooo much more that I even deserve.

How He Loves
John Mark McMillion

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your afflictions for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meats earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

I thought about you
The day Stephen died
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He'd say its not true
Cause your good