Ramblings of an Insomniac 2

The past couple of weeks have been a wonderful time in my life. I went to church camp a month ago and spent a week. The way camp works is there is a three day camp for junior high kids and a four day camp for senior high camp. I stayed for both camps. My first thought was that I can skip the first three days of senior high cause it's the same stuff. I decided that if I wanted the kids to go I needed to go, so I did.

I am a note taker. If I don't take notes during a sermon my mind will wonder and I start thinking about where I am going for lunch and what I will eat when I get there. Then it's all I have to do during the week, the start looking at my husband wondering where he got the shirt he's wearing because I would not pick that out for him. Then I start looking around at the people and that is just something I don't want to talk about. So anyway I take notes.

After camp we shared with the church and I realized that the notes I took for each sermon were different. The same man preached on the same topic using the same verses but I got something totally different out of it each time. Pages and pages of notes that should have been the same but weren't. I now wonder if I look back on the notes I have taken over the years if they would be reflective of what I was going through at that time in my life?

I took a lot of notes at camp about being a leader, how to turn kids into leaders to be specific. I think it was sometime during the drive of taking kids back to church and picking them up to go to camp that I realized I WAS a leader. After that started listening with a new ear. God didn't just want the kids to be leaders but the adults too. I mean really who was going to lead the leaders?

So ALL of that to say this..

I the middle of over one thousand kids I realized how far I had strayed and I needed to get back on track. I prayed that god would give me new eyes to see with and ears to hear with. Most of the time we pray this thinking we are going to be able to tune the TV/radio we have in our hearts and heads so much quicker when we pray. I wanted to see people the way God saw people. I needed to change.

I came home talked to hubby and prayed. And prayed and listened to what God had told me. I knew that I needed a new start. So this past Sunday I (and hubby) rededicated my life to the Lord. It was a new start. I was humbled and blessed as our Pastor said that we were an important of the church and they had been blessed by US. I was humbled again when people came and hugged and told me how much I was loved.

I am grateful to a God of second chances. That He will never stop loving me. He will always let me come back. His grace is sooo much more that I even deserve.

How He Loves
John Mark McMillion

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath
The weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful you are
And how great your afflictions for me

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

We are his portion
And he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meats earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart burns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way
He loves us

Oh how he loves us so
Oh how he loves us
How he loves us so

Yea He loves us
Oh how

I thought about you
The day Stephen died
And you met me between my breaking
I know that I still love you God
Despite the agony
See people they want to tell me your cruel
But if Stephen could sing
He'd say its not true
Cause your good

Suitcases

I know it's been a while... a long while since I have written. I can't tell you how many times that I have laid in bed and thought needed to write what was swirling around in my head. So now am.

Tonight at church the Youth Pastor spoke on patience. Endurance, patience, perseverance. All the same things. We are talking about the Fruit of the Spirit so we are using Galatians 5: 22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control" as our base verse. He referenced Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

Through Hebrews 12:1 I learned that we are not alone (surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses.) There is no ground that we cover that someone is not holding us up.

I also learned that we need to throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that entangles us. We need to get rid of our baggage. Paul uses a lot of sports metaphors in his writing (prepare for the good fight, finish the race.) How can we run the good race if we are holding on to stuff? There is a certain family that lives in Northwest Arkansas that have a LOT of children. They do not encourage their children to date because they feel it would bring baggage to the marriage. I think there is more to baggage than that. We all have baggage. The really awesome thing is that God wants it. We can give it all to him. It's like checking your bags at the gate and not having to worry about picking them up them when you get off the plane. Just thinking about it lifts a twenty pound rock from my shoulders!

He asked what kind of baggage that we had. I started running through a list in my head. I like to worry, I worry about not worrying. We are having problems with our air conditioner, my husband has two big tests tomorrow, my oldest brother is leaving the country for twelve days tomorrow, the air conditioner went out in my husbands truck this is just the list for today. All of this stuff is out of my control. I can't do anything about it. God, the creator of the Universe wants me to drop ALL of this stuff at His feet. So I did. I feel lighter.

How can we run, how can we fly if we have all this stuff that is weighing us down? How can we be all God wants us to be if we are being held down? Let go of the stuff give it to God. Everyday give it to God. He has a plan for for you. A good plan but in order to get there we have to drop all our stuff.

Guess what? There is a song called

"Suitcases!"

How can you move when they’re weighing you down
What can you do when you’re tied to the ground, yeah
You carry your burdens, heavy like gravity
Just let them go now, there’s freedom in release

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be afraid

Can you imagine what it’s like to be free
Well, send those bags packing, they’re not what you need
Abandon your troubles on the side of the street
Just let them go now, believe me

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be afraid

There’s nothing hold you back now, just run

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be
You don’t have to be afraid