My Journey

You probably want to know something about me. To begin with I am not all that special. If you saw me on the street you would pass me up and not think anything about it. I am no different than you are. I struggle with getting up in the morning and I think that coffee is a miracle food. There is no such thing as too much sweet tea. The carhops at Sonic know my name, my order and what time I come in. The owner of the local Mexican restaurant gives me a hard time when he sees me at Wal-Mart and knows I am lying when I tell him that I am going to start going to Taco Bell. I have been married 21 years (OMG!) which is a big deal but it is hard and I am still trying to figure it out. There are days when I don't get dressed. There can be several days in a row when I don't get dressed. I read People magazine faithfully. I have read the Harry Potter Series at least four times and am halfway through them again. I play on my iPad too often and check Facebook often because I want to see if that relationship with the two people who are soul-mates and best friends even though they met last week has imploded yet. I wear a FitBit because I like the idea of working out but not the physical act of working out. It does tell me if I reached my goal of sleeping eight hours a night though.

See I am no different than you. I am walking the same road that you are. My feet have been  tired and swollen and blistered. There were times when I wasn't sure I could make it another step. I have cried out at the top of my lungs "WHY? WHY ME?." I have gathered up the broken pieces and glued and taped and stapled them back together. To look at me I am nothing special. 

Except for I am.

I am the daughter of a King.

I am loved.

I am me.

There are many things that I could tell you about that you might be able to relate to. I want to tell you about one particular thing that has happened in the last year.

My mom died. She is dead. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth. I do not like it when someone has passed (What did they pass? Where did they pass?) or when someone is lost. (We lost Uncle Joe this morning. Have you looked for him? Did you notify the police?) 

I was in my last semester of college. I was getting ready to intern. My mom went in the hospital three days before the semester started. She died three days before I was to start my internship. She was in the hospital close to 30 days.

We had our share of problems. I think it was because I am like her. She was my mom and I loved her. I was able to  spend a great deal of time with her in the hospital. She had some really good days and some really bad days. I usually had a good day then a bad day. I know she loved me and I know that she was proud of me because she told me so. We laughed and we cried. We talked about growing up. 

During that time I learned how strong I was. I stood with my brothers and sister and told her that it was okay to let go. I help plan her funeral. I wrote her obituary. I picked up the clothes she would be buried in from her house, I found my voice and was able to express it. My siblings saw me in a new light. 

It was during this time when I realized that some things are worth fighting for. (Yes, Mom wanted Abba songs at her funeral. We will play Abba!) Some things are not worth fighting for. (It doesn't matter when visitation is.) Some things we can laugh at (The pink casket will clash with her blue dress.)  Some things just are. (No, she didn't want church songs but that one is okay.)

I learned that I could depend on friends that would make me laugh no matter what. I learned that college professors are much more understanding than anyone ever said. I have not yet learned what to say when someone tells me they are sorry that she died other then thank you.

Most importantly I have learned that sometimes you just need to listen. I listened to my mom tell stories while she was in the hospital. I listened to my family as they told tales about my mom. I listened to her friends. I listened to people tell me things about my mom. I like to talk. I love to tell stories. I have a story for almost every occasion but sometimes you just need to listen.  I learned to be quiet. 

I learned to listen not just to others but being quiet I have been able to hear the still small voice.

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This is one of my favorite passages in the Bible.

1 Kings 19:11-13The Message (MSG)

11-12 Then he was told, “Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by.”

A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn’t in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

13 When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, “So Elijah, now tell me, what are you doing here?”