Praise Him

So I haven' written anything in a while, I haven't thought of anything brilliant to share. But then again we all have grand illusions that people are hanging on our every word..

Last night I finished reading a book, "The Yada Yada Prayer Group" It's Christian chick-lit. A group of women with nothing in common get thrown together at a conference for a prayer group. They decide to continue the prayer group after the conference. If you like to read this is worth it, it will make you see things through new eyes. One of the main characters has a problem with worship. She wants to worship God openly but is afraid of what others will think of her. I personally know of no one like that (she said sarcastically) That is so often my prayer. I WANT to praise the Lord. I want to let others around me know exactly how I feel but I am held back because I am afraid of what others think. If I raise my raise my hands in praise will the person next to me think I am asking to go to the bathroom. If I pray out loud will that distract others around me? Will they think that I crazy?

Doesn't God deserve our praise? None of us deserve it. I grew white bread, went to church every Sunday,obeyed all the rules, didn't even go through any teenage rebellion. I have never done drugs, never took a drag off a cigarette, I didn't drink until I was 21 and that was always in moderation. I was a good person. I helped others, went on mission trips, I was a really good person. It's easy to point at a murderer, an addict, a thief and say "Praise the Lord" but normal everyday people, not so much. If we look inside of ourselves we will discover that NOONE deserves salvation, we are all sinners. Now that is something to praise the Lord for. Each and everyone of us should be dancing in the aisle every chance we get.

Worship is not about us, its about HIM. He longs to hear us praise. Creation praises the Lord, we are His creation, we NEED to praise the Lord.Psalm 150:6 says everything that has breath praise the Lord. Hmmm that's pretty simple, we have breath, praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord, maybe our quiet time doesn't need to be so quiet, maybe you need to shout to the Lord and praise Him.

My prayer for myself is that I lose myself in worship. That the people around me will fade away.

There are two things that are on my mind- Psalm 150 and a praise song "I'm Getting Back to the Heart of Worship"

Psalm 150

¹ Praise the LORD.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.

² Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.

³ Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,

⁴ praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,

⁵ praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.

⁶ Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD.

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The Heart Of Worship Lyrics
Michael W. Smith
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart


I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart


I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

Cinderella

If anyone knows me very well they know that I love kids. I like kids that are older than 10, Hubby likes kids younger than 10, it's a balance.

My favorite kids are 5th,6th, and 7th grade girls...Probably because I have the same mentality that they do. I like the same music and watch the tv shows they do. I have seen more than one episode of Hanna Montana and I know who Justin Beiber is. I have read the "Twlight" books and have seen the movies. Maybe I can relate because for such a long time I just wanted to be loved for me. So many of girls this age just want them to be loved.

They are in such a transition time in their lives. So many decisions they make during that age affect the rest of their lives. In my experience I have learned that this is when they choose who their friends are gonna be, if they are gonna drink and smoke, what kind of guys they will date. I know that they are not gonna wake up one day and say "I think I'm gonna try some alcohol today." But the type of friends they choose will guide gradually in to the point were they will or will not try alcohol.

The same girls are bombarded with images of girls that are thin and pretty and wear t-shirts that cost $100 and the message girls get is that is what you have to do to be accepted. They are trying so hard to fit in. I want them to know that that they are loved, unconditionally regardless of what they look like or dress like or act like. I want them to be themselves. If they are funny and silly then they need to act that way. If they are serious then they need to act that way.

When you think of people you want to emulate you usually pick a great person; a preacher, a missionary, a great teacher. Someone older and wiser. In my life there have been three people younger than me that I look up to. They are all girls, very strong girls. One of them dances the beat of her own drum and although she has had people tell her she needs to get in step she refuses. Another one looks different than anyone else in her school and she doesn't care. She has decided that if someone doesn't like her that is their lost and no sweat off her back. And the last one has gone through a terrible tragedy and yet she is strong and independent and loves life, but she appreciates her friends and family. This is what I want ALL girls to be, independent and able to stand up against storm that comes up. To be their own person and not an Abercombie & Fitch walking billboard.

I want them to know that they are loved regardless of what they look like or act like. Not only are they loved by me but they are loved by the Creator of the Universe loves them. I want to shout this from the mountain tops. They need to know that they are Princesses, daughters of the KING! All girls deserve to feel like they are Cinderella, they need to feel that way before they turn 40.
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Cinderella

Steven Curtis Chapman


She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

I want to talk about me

Earlier this week the lady that I share an office with had a wreck. When she came in the next day she talked about the accident and how she was stuck in the car and the police officers and all the stuff that goes with being in an accident. Of course I so wanted to tell her MY accident story and really refrained myself from sharing.

Another friend was telling me about her kids and their accomplishments which is quite amazing. When I was telling my hubby about it he asked if I asked a question and I said no. Had I been paying attention I would have asked the question but I wanted to share MY story and I did.

Time and time again people tell me stuff and for some reason I don't pay attention or I try to one up it. (One upping is one of my favorite games!) I know they want to know because the world wants to know all that I do. I have forgotten when a friend said they were going to the doctor and I never asked how it went. I forgot my best friends birthday (who does that?) Generally if it doesn't affect me I don't pay attention.

I have been sick for the last several weeks and I finally got a diagnosis. Before I knew what was wrong I told everyone and forced them to listen to me. I was horrible. Today I talked to a good friend and she asked me what I did today. I told her, she told me a story about people she knew several years ago (like 35!) and she went shopping and got some bargains (!) We talked more then we got off the phone. After she got off I asked hubby, how she could remember a vehicle someone drove that long ago but couldn't remember that I had an ultrasound this week.

After stewing and getting upset it dawned on me that she did exactly that same thing I do. In fact if we were all honest its what we all do. We all have accident stories and we like to share them. We all have children that we are proud of and we want everyone to know how smart/pretty/talented etc they are. But this week I have realized that we don't need to share all the time. There are times when I take the glory away from some body's child. I have been to known to hijack a story or two.

I just can't picture Christ saying "Now Matt, I know your house is nice and all but dude MINE has pearl gates..it's tight!" (Yes I know how that sounded) Christ knew Matthews need and met it. He had to pay attention to those around him, He had to know those who were hurting. He did all the teaching and healing and walking on the water without ever drawing attention to Himself. If we are to follow his example that means that we need to pay attention to others. Let others have their moments, we don't have to share everyone of our accident stories every time someone has an accident.

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Philippians 2:1-4 (The Message)

If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Umm...I'm not sure

When I was in high school one of my favorite classes was Creative Writing, the teacher, Ms. Green, was big on free writing. That is when you put on paper whatever comes to your mind, then you use that material for stories and poetry and that kind of stuff later on. On a rare occasion I was actually able to do that. I feel like that is what I'm doing now, just writing without a conclusion in mind.

The last few weeks I have felt discombobulated (that didn't register as misspelled!) It seems things have been piling up on me and I really just wanted to stay under the covers and hide. I had convinced myself no one cares (I DO know that people care about me but its had to know that and go around saying "nobody loves me, everyone hates me, I'm going to go eat worms" lol)

So there have been things that I wanted say. I typed one thing up and it was really long but after I read it it sounded real judgmental and I didn't want anyone to be mad at me so that got trashed. I wrote about a particular person in my family that I was having a hard time dealing with but that got trashed too cause I didn't know if they read my blog (I mean EVERYONE should right?) Then I had a really cute lighthearted thing but I couldn't get it to sound right in my head so that went away too.

(I think Ms. Green would be proud of me and my free writing)

All of that to say this....

I am sitting on my front porch and I can smell fall. It is 80 degrees and there seems to be a nip in the air, even though I am barefoot right now. It may be because my husband is listening to a Razorback (GO HOGS!!!) game on the radio and watching another college game on tv, he loves college football. It may be because I went to the first high school football game last night (GO CATS!!) It may be because we opened the windows this morning and turned off the ac. It may be because my dog wanted out so he could play and the last three weeks he has been stretched out on whatever cool surface he could find. I love fall. I love to see the leaves change. I am one of those people who will drive hundreds of miles to see changing leaves. When I married I knew that I wanted to get married outside, initially I wanted to get married in the fall on top of a mountain so the changing leaves would be the backdrop to the ceremony but the Lord had other plans (we got married on a mountain but in the spring, I will tell you the story of you ask me)
I like fall too because people start wearing sweaters and everyone looks a little bit more fluffy like me.

I never feel closer to the Lord than when I am on a mountain and there is a multitude of color before me. I mean who else can be than creative other than our Creator? I would to give you some spiritual reason why I feel that way, that we all need to slow time and rejuvenate so that we can be all He wants us to be. We all need to be pruned so that we can grow in the direction that He wants us to. None us are the same and God's family has all kinds and colors of people. To be honest I am just in awe of God at this time of year.

To be fair the verses (and song) about there is a time for everything reminds me of fall so...here are the verses and the song that Byrds made famous.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

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Byrds
Turn! Turn! Turn!

Words-adapted from The Bible, book of Ecclesiastes
Music-Pete Seeger

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

Family

I spent some time tonight with a friend who is a foster parent. She and her husband should be the poster family for foster parents. She is a huge part of the reason that we want to foster. Right now she has four boys and is pregnant with a girl!!!! How her life has changed in a year. If anyone deserves the happiness it is her.

I was talking to her about fostering instead of adopting one day and told her that we really didn't want to foster because we didn't think we could let them go. She, who is 15 years younger than me, says with wisdom "What if they are saved while they are living with you? What if you are suppose to introduce them to God?" How do you answer that? Ummmm...no thanks. So yeah we started thinking about it again.

Her boys are wonderful. I know that the stereotypical foster kid is mean, and doesn't mind, is adhd, add (and all those other initials.) Her kids not so much. The oldest is eight the youngest two. They are well behaved, the four year old sat through church last night and didn't make a sound, respectful, and if she told them to do something they did it. It was great to watch. All of them called her Mom. She told me that she didn't think that she would ever hear anyone call her Mom and she started crying.

Tomorrow the adoption of one of the boys is going to be final. He is going to change not only his last name but his middle name too. His middle will be the same as his dad's because he wants his dad's name. Tomorrow he will be their son. I asked him tonight what that meant and he said that they would be his mom and dad and stay forever and ever. He was going to be part of their family.

Earlier in the evening we were talking and she asked me what age kids we wanted. We have different opinions. Hubby wants younger kids, from 7 to 13, I want teenagers. We will take whatever God gives us.

Let me tell you about why I want teenagers. It's because they want a family. If they are in the system that long they don't really want a mom and a dad, but a family. I know it will be hard, but teenagers are hard, they are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be, they are testing their wings, learning to fly. Let me ask you some questions; Who do you spend the holidays with? Who did you call when you were going to get married? Who did you tell when were going to have a baby? Who do you call when you are hurt? Who do you call when you need help? Most of the answers to those questions are family. Imagine not having family because for some reason or another you spent your life in foster care and were shuffled from one house to another. I want to give them a family, I want to give them security.

So what is a family? A bunch of people who are related by blood and marriage who see each other at weddings and funerals? What about people who are connected who are connected in a deeper way. How about that lady at church who tells me I am loved and I have talent and somehow has figured out what one of my secret dreams is? Hasn't she just stepped into the role of my mom? What about the man who is about my dad's age and gave me a bed he made for his daughter so that maybe one day my daughter would sleep in it? Isn't that what a dad is suppose to do?

Rethink family and think about who is really in yours.

So I don't have a song this time but I am going to put the definition of family from Websters on-line dictionary. Read it and pay attention to ALL of them, not just the first one.
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¹fam·i·ly

Pronunciation: \ˈfam-lē, ˈfa-mə-\

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural fam·i·lies

Etymology: Middle English familie, from Latin familia household (including servants as well as kin of the householder), from famulus servant

Date: 15th century

1 : a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household
2 a : a group of persons of common ancestry : clan b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race
3 a : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship b : the staff of a high official (as the President)
4 : a group of things related by common characteristics: as a : a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds b : a group of soils with similar chemical and physical properties (as texture, pH, and mineral content) that comprise a category ranking above the series and below the subgroup in soil classification c : a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language
5 a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family b : spouse and children
6 a : a group of related plants or animals forming a category ranking above a genus and below an order and usually comprising several to many genera b in livestock breeding (1) : the descendants or line of a particular individual especially of some outstanding female (2) : an identifiable strain within a breed
7 : a set of curves or surfaces whose equations differ only in parameters
8 : a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographic area

Marriage

I am in no way saying I am an expert on marriage. I always think that I haven't been married long enough. I look at people I look up to and they have been married 20, 25, 30, 40, 50 years...WOW!!! (I do have a point please be patient.)

Many of the people I know have been married multiple times. Many learned from their mistakes and have strong second marriages, some not so much. We knew several who have lost count. What makes us so different? Did we tap into a secret? Do we knew something that others don't?

Well, we watch and we learn from others-

I have two older brothers who I thought set the sun and moon. When they married, I gained two wonderful sisters. Since our parents divorced when I was 13 or so I have watched my brothers with their wives to see how it's done. (They don't know this...yet) My oldest brother has been married to his beautiful wife for over 25 years. They live away and although I haven't been there all the time I know that they have been through some trials, things that I would not want to go through, but on this side of it...They love each other. My brother treats his wife like a princess and my sister-in-law? She treats my brother like a king.. Watching them I have learned that you don't run at the first sign of trouble, you ride through the rapids together, often it's easier with two people.

So my point...

Tonight I got to share with a young woman about marriage and "the one" and how you know who that is.

So what did I tell her, how did I know that hubby was the one? I just knew..I couldn't come up with anything else. I knew after spending the day with him that this was the man that God created for me. My young friend said "He filled your gaps" I had to laugh cause we quote a lie from one of the Rocky movies that goes something like "I have gaps, she has gaps, we fill each others gaps" but nothing could be more truthful; where I have weaknesses he has strengths, and vice versa. It's not easy , we have had good times and bad times. There have been days when we didn't like each other, there have been days where we couldn't imagine loving each other more. Through it all we stuck it out.

I wanted my friend to know that God created marriage and it is a wonderful thing but it is hard work. We talked about how people like the sugar coat things but folks need to know it's hard work and it's a daily decision to carry on, so that means that for the last 5,915 days I have had to make a decision to work through whatever the problem was and work through it. I would not trade any of those for anything.

Now I did learn a secret early in my marriage; Not long after we married the church we were attending at the time has a lot of people who were celebrating their 50th anniversaries. After a particularly hard week at home I asked the wife if she ever felt like killing her husband and she immediately said yes, not thinking she understood me I asked a different "If you could have gotten away with it would you have killed him" and again she said yes. I thanked her very much and walked away knowing that I what I was feeling was normal. The feeling doesn't stay and I would never act on it but it's one of the ways I know we will make it.

One of the things that we have in common is music. He introduced me to Hank Sr and Cash. I am introducing him to Glee. There is always a song to go with any situation. Today it's "Go There With You" by Steven Curtis Chapman
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I know you've heard me say these words before
But every time I say I love you the words mean something more
I spoke them as a promise right from the start
I said death would be the only thing that could tear us apart
And now that you are standing on the edge of the unknown
I love you means I'll be with you wherever you must go

CHORUS
I will take a heart whose nature is to beat for me alone
And fill it up with you - make all your joy and pain my own
No matter how deep a valley you go through
I will go there with you
And I will give myself to love the way Love gave itself for me
And climb with you to mountaintops or swim a raging sea
To the place where one heart is made from two
I will go there with you

I see it in your tears - you wonder where you are
The wind is growing colder and the sky is growing dark
Though it's something neither of us understands
We can walk through this together if we hold each other's hand
I said for better or worse I'd be with you
So no matter where you're going I will go there too

CHORUS
I will take a heart whose nature is to beat for me alone
And fill it up with you - make all your joy and pain my own
No matter how deep a valley you go through
I will go there with you

BRIDGE
I known sometimes I let you down
But I won't let you go - we'll always be together

Don't Blink

I have spent the last week visiting family and in the process I saw two friends that I haven't seen in years, for one of them it had been 28 years. We had lunch and talked for two hours over sweet tea. We caught up on each others lives and tried to figure where the time had gone. 28 years, that's close to 30 and there is no way that I have known anyone for that long, cause I am not that old.

Also this week I visited my brother and his kids. I have a niece who is going to be a senior this year. She plans to go to school in South Carolina (does she know how far away that is?) She can't be going to college because she is 12, she doesn't know how to drive and she hasn't realized that I'm a doofus yet. But alas she is a beautiful, independent, strong 17 year old woman who knows who she is, and what she stands for. I was able to spend time with her and if it is possible I love her even all the more now and if she realizes that I am a doofus she doesn't treat me like it.

I usually use the length of my marriage as a touchstone for everything else in my life, ie: that happened a couple of years after we got married, that was before we married, etc. I set back and think that I have been married for 16 years, to the same man!!! He has put up with me for for that long!!! 16 years, in the big scheme of things it's not that long, we have another 40 years to go before we can brag. 16 years I don't feel like it's been 16 years. I could never imagine being married that long.

I look in the mirror and that is what defies me. I have laugh lines in the corner of my eyes, each one carries a story though. My husband told me that he saw a gray hair the other day but I can't find it so I don't know if that counts. It may take me longer to get somewhere and if I don't get enough sleep I can't find the right words, but that happens to old folks. I AM not old, right? So I sit back and take stock of my life and realize that I am 41! And I graduated high school 23 years ago. I am waiting to get that invitation from AARP!

I sit here and wonder how I could be married 16 years when it just happened yesterday, or how in the world my beautiful niece could be graduating from high school when it was just last month that I went to the hospital and looked into her big blue eyes the first time and how in the world has it been 28 years since I have seen a good friend? I turned around and blinked. What I have been learning lately is don't blink..since time marches on I am going to enjoy the moment. I have learned that somethings can not be put off till tomorrow..my niece needs to know that I love her and I am proud of her and she needs to know now...and I told her.

There is a Christian song that really speaks to this- It's called "Blink" and it's by Revive

TEACH ME TO NUMBER MY DAYS
AND COUNT EVERY MOMENT BEFORE IT SLIPS AWAY
TAKING ALL THE COLORS BEFORE THEY FADE TO GRAY
I DON’T WANT TO MISS EVEN JUST A SECOND MORE OF THIS

IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK, IT HAPPENS IN A FLASH
IT HAPPENS IN THE TIME IT TOOK TO LOOK BACK
I TRY TO HOLD ON TIGHT, BUT THERE’S NO STOPPING TIME
WHAT IS IT I’VE DONE WITH MY LIFE
IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK, IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK
(IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK, IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK)

WHEN IT’S ALL SAID AND DONE
NO ONE REMEMBERS HOW FAR WE HAVE RUN
THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS HOW WE HAVE LOVED
I DON’T WANT TO MISS EVEN JUST A SECOND MORE OF THIS

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN
BEFORE TODAY BECOMES OUR YESTERDAY
SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN
BEFORE YOU TURN AROUND AND IT’S TOO LATE

What if...

I make no bones about it- I love my husband, he is my best friend, he holds my heart, all of it, without a doubt he was made for me.But....

Every now and then, like when he leaves the seat up and I find out in the middle of the night or when he puts his nasty mowing clothes in the same basket as my Sunday dress I start to wonder..what if...(Now every now and then we do play the "If you had married Sue she would have not complained about the seat being up" game)

What if I married that guy, he was going to be a lawyer, I would probably be a stay at home wife with two kids and playing tennis while they were at school. I would share my wealth by teaching underprivileged children how to play polo.. (Yeah I know lol) Of course I would be driving a tricked out Navigator on the way to the lake house where the party barge is docked..

If I married another guy, he was a gas station attendant, I would be living in a single wide with my dirt encrusted three kids and my guy. I would be working two different jobs to support the family while some women in a Navigator ask me if my kids want to play Polo...

What if, what if..

I don't think it's wrong to dream, to pray for things (Please Lord can't you make him put the seat down?) In Philippians Paul says that he has learned to be content in any situation. That is the secret of life, to be content.

We can't change the past. If I had married the lawyer or the gas station attendant I never would have met my man. Admittedly I have made some mistakes, things that I regret, things I would change but all of those things brought me here, today. I live with my best friend and every day I am told that I am loved and am the most beautiful woman in the world (I am going to have his eyes checked tho) who can beat that?

Do we live a no worry life? No..when the air conditioner went out and a week later the water heater had to be replaced we did a serious look at what was important and what we would have to go without in order to have cold air and hot water. He will continue to leave the seat up, but now it's in his bathroom now and I don't have to go in there and after mowing he puts his clothes directly in the washer, life is good.

Yeah it would be nice to have a bigger house with a pool but we would miss the closeness we have now. We want children but we have dogs...they are really close to kids, how awesome is it to have someone be excited every time you come home, even if you've only been gone 10 minutes.

My prayer for today is for God to teach me to be content in any situation. I can't change the past, I don't know what will happen in the future but today...today is when I can make a difference.

It's FRIDAY!!!!!

If you could see me now I would be doing a happy dance..

It's been one of those weeks that has just worn me out....Satan has been dancing all over me this week and it just got worse every time I turned around.

VBS this week was awesome. When you read about the birth of Jesus at the end there is a verse that says kinda...Many more things happened and Mary pondered them in her heart. Growing up I did not understand what that meant, now that I am old I do. So many wonderful things happened this week. I got hugs from kids I didn't know, I got to know good friends better, people I knew became friends. Today I feel like I am a part of another family. It is a great feeling to know that these people that have known me for such a little time have taken me in and accepted me and loved me just the way I am. That has made me more confident and sure of who I am.

There were several days this week that I just wanted to hide under the covers for the week, I went to church and was able to share my pain and people listen, they shared my pain and made my load easier. How awesome is that? (Another song!! I'm so glad that I'm a part of the family of God)

Ok..time to be truthful, I'm blogging when I have at least three other things I have to do. So that's what I must do.

'Night

Watch for God

Tonight was the first night of Vacation Bible School. It was awesome- Glendale is such a laid back church, there isn't a big emphasis on how things look (but things look good) but an emphasis on God, on teaching the kids (and adults) to see God.

I'm in charge of a video and a map that allows the kids to share when they spotted God. The emphasis isn't just on nature and things but on somebody being nice to you, a smile. It really made me sit back and think about God and all he has done for me and what I missed because I wasn't looking. Today it rained on and off all day but when I was outside it never rained. I do not like getting wet in the rain (I hate wearing wet shoes) but I missed that as a God sighting because I had my mind on getting home and getting stuff and getting to church.

So now I will look to see God, I am usually too busy wanting people to look at me. We all need to stop and look and see what God is doing. In the midst of mayhem take a breath, look around and LOOK and SEE what God is doing in your life at THIS minute.

Legacy

**My disclaimer...I had very little sleep last night and took an ambien an hour so ago before I took a warm bath. I am not responsible for what I do or say :)**

Earlier this week I was thinking about a legacy. I have things in my house that remind me of almost every member of my family- I wear the same plain gold wedding band that my grandmother did for 45 years before my grandfather died Not long ago I was able to track down a doll cradle that my grandfather made me. I had people who told me I should refinish it but I didn't want to because it was the pink paint that Grandpa put on it. I have pictures and things that help me remember...My family's legacy is love through all things. My siblings and I may not get along all the time but when it comes down to it we are there for each other. My husband has become part of that legacy. When hubby's dad died my brother took off work to be here for him. One of the few times that I have seen hubby cry.

My legacy thought was when I was making cucumbers and onions in vinegar and water. I eat this like it is a gold covered truffle. Every time I make it I think of my Grandma. I was fortunate enough to have her around the corner from me, the majority of my happy memories are at her house. Who do I have to eat cucumbers and onions with me? Who am I going to give my doll cradle to?

My hubby and I want to be foster parents, we are in the process of it all. We want to be parents. We never got pregnant and no we did not find out why. We left it in Gods and and He has called us to love others children and we know that one day possibly one of those children will be ours and we will give them a family. A home they can come too when they are far away. A place were they know they are loved.

There is a song called Legacy by Nicole Nordeman

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

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So how are people going to remember me? I want to the person that my nieces and nephews look back on in 20 years and have them say...she was always there (man she got on my nerves) she supported me as much as she could. I want to kids that i am involved in that they are loved. My nieces and nephews are so loved that it moves me to tears at times. It has behooved me that I did not get to know my oldest nephew enough. He turned out much like his parents, beautiful (handsome) with some wicked red hair, he is very gracious and understanding. I would love to know this man that my brother somehow produced and am determined that i will know him better. And face book it helping greatly

Maybe that will be my legacy- to love others children so much they know it. Maybe i will have a child on my own and I will learn their scars and they will learn my scars, then one day they will be our scars and we can tell our stories.and one day we will eat cucumbers and onions together and recall our own story.

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So this is off track from before but it happens to me when I'm on the edge of strangeness- Strange thought that leap randomly through my head.

I was watching NCIS - I man really who doesn't like NCIS and I was wondering if when we for children if I would have to watch Hanna Montana instead of NCIS? I really like picking out what to watch on tv

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The First Time

I think I may have tried this once, maybe, I'm not sure... So for now and for all purposes this is my first time..

My problem is that my husband works nights which means that I am alone way too much and I don't have anyone to talk to and work out the days details with..so now I'm here..

I've been thinking a lot about my life..I am the youngest of four kids. I love them and they have taught me may different things about life. They are 5,6, and 7 years older than me, they spoiled me when I was a child and am still trying to get over it :) I depend on my brothers for advice and help that a father would normally give, our dad passed away in 1994.

That's not really what I've been thinking about but it helps to have some back ground.

I have been presented with two amazing opportunities and I would be crazy not to follow up on them. Actually this is a we thing because it affects Hubby and me. My problem is trying to figure out if it's the right thing for me or if I want it so bad that I am manipulating things. I work off my emotions and I usually don't take a step back to see how it will affect others or what the long terms effects are going to be. (for example- we have two dogs and I wanted them really bad but the new wore off and it's like do I HAVE to walk them, do they HAVE to eat and yes we still have them) So I am trying to figure out if it feels good or if it's the right thing for me..

I feel better now....