Don't Blink

I have spent the last week visiting family and in the process I saw two friends that I haven't seen in years, for one of them it had been 28 years. We had lunch and talked for two hours over sweet tea. We caught up on each others lives and tried to figure where the time had gone. 28 years, that's close to 30 and there is no way that I have known anyone for that long, cause I am not that old.

Also this week I visited my brother and his kids. I have a niece who is going to be a senior this year. She plans to go to school in South Carolina (does she know how far away that is?) She can't be going to college because she is 12, she doesn't know how to drive and she hasn't realized that I'm a doofus yet. But alas she is a beautiful, independent, strong 17 year old woman who knows who she is, and what she stands for. I was able to spend time with her and if it is possible I love her even all the more now and if she realizes that I am a doofus she doesn't treat me like it.

I usually use the length of my marriage as a touchstone for everything else in my life, ie: that happened a couple of years after we got married, that was before we married, etc. I set back and think that I have been married for 16 years, to the same man!!! He has put up with me for for that long!!! 16 years, in the big scheme of things it's not that long, we have another 40 years to go before we can brag. 16 years I don't feel like it's been 16 years. I could never imagine being married that long.

I look in the mirror and that is what defies me. I have laugh lines in the corner of my eyes, each one carries a story though. My husband told me that he saw a gray hair the other day but I can't find it so I don't know if that counts. It may take me longer to get somewhere and if I don't get enough sleep I can't find the right words, but that happens to old folks. I AM not old, right? So I sit back and take stock of my life and realize that I am 41! And I graduated high school 23 years ago. I am waiting to get that invitation from AARP!

I sit here and wonder how I could be married 16 years when it just happened yesterday, or how in the world my beautiful niece could be graduating from high school when it was just last month that I went to the hospital and looked into her big blue eyes the first time and how in the world has it been 28 years since I have seen a good friend? I turned around and blinked. What I have been learning lately is don't blink..since time marches on I am going to enjoy the moment. I have learned that somethings can not be put off till tomorrow..my niece needs to know that I love her and I am proud of her and she needs to know now...and I told her.

There is a Christian song that really speaks to this- It's called "Blink" and it's by Revive

TEACH ME TO NUMBER MY DAYS
AND COUNT EVERY MOMENT BEFORE IT SLIPS AWAY
TAKING ALL THE COLORS BEFORE THEY FADE TO GRAY
I DON’T WANT TO MISS EVEN JUST A SECOND MORE OF THIS

IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK, IT HAPPENS IN A FLASH
IT HAPPENS IN THE TIME IT TOOK TO LOOK BACK
I TRY TO HOLD ON TIGHT, BUT THERE’S NO STOPPING TIME
WHAT IS IT I’VE DONE WITH MY LIFE
IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK, IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK
(IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK, IT HAPPENS IN A BLINK)

WHEN IT’S ALL SAID AND DONE
NO ONE REMEMBERS HOW FAR WE HAVE RUN
THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS HOW WE HAVE LOVED
I DON’T WANT TO MISS EVEN JUST A SECOND MORE OF THIS

SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN
BEFORE TODAY BECOMES OUR YESTERDAY
SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN
BEFORE YOU TURN AROUND AND IT’S TOO LATE

What if...

I make no bones about it- I love my husband, he is my best friend, he holds my heart, all of it, without a doubt he was made for me.But....

Every now and then, like when he leaves the seat up and I find out in the middle of the night or when he puts his nasty mowing clothes in the same basket as my Sunday dress I start to wonder..what if...(Now every now and then we do play the "If you had married Sue she would have not complained about the seat being up" game)

What if I married that guy, he was going to be a lawyer, I would probably be a stay at home wife with two kids and playing tennis while they were at school. I would share my wealth by teaching underprivileged children how to play polo.. (Yeah I know lol) Of course I would be driving a tricked out Navigator on the way to the lake house where the party barge is docked..

If I married another guy, he was a gas station attendant, I would be living in a single wide with my dirt encrusted three kids and my guy. I would be working two different jobs to support the family while some women in a Navigator ask me if my kids want to play Polo...

What if, what if..

I don't think it's wrong to dream, to pray for things (Please Lord can't you make him put the seat down?) In Philippians Paul says that he has learned to be content in any situation. That is the secret of life, to be content.

We can't change the past. If I had married the lawyer or the gas station attendant I never would have met my man. Admittedly I have made some mistakes, things that I regret, things I would change but all of those things brought me here, today. I live with my best friend and every day I am told that I am loved and am the most beautiful woman in the world (I am going to have his eyes checked tho) who can beat that?

Do we live a no worry life? No..when the air conditioner went out and a week later the water heater had to be replaced we did a serious look at what was important and what we would have to go without in order to have cold air and hot water. He will continue to leave the seat up, but now it's in his bathroom now and I don't have to go in there and after mowing he puts his clothes directly in the washer, life is good.

Yeah it would be nice to have a bigger house with a pool but we would miss the closeness we have now. We want children but we have dogs...they are really close to kids, how awesome is it to have someone be excited every time you come home, even if you've only been gone 10 minutes.

My prayer for today is for God to teach me to be content in any situation. I can't change the past, I don't know what will happen in the future but today...today is when I can make a difference.

It's FRIDAY!!!!!

If you could see me now I would be doing a happy dance..

It's been one of those weeks that has just worn me out....Satan has been dancing all over me this week and it just got worse every time I turned around.

VBS this week was awesome. When you read about the birth of Jesus at the end there is a verse that says kinda...Many more things happened and Mary pondered them in her heart. Growing up I did not understand what that meant, now that I am old I do. So many wonderful things happened this week. I got hugs from kids I didn't know, I got to know good friends better, people I knew became friends. Today I feel like I am a part of another family. It is a great feeling to know that these people that have known me for such a little time have taken me in and accepted me and loved me just the way I am. That has made me more confident and sure of who I am.

There were several days this week that I just wanted to hide under the covers for the week, I went to church and was able to share my pain and people listen, they shared my pain and made my load easier. How awesome is that? (Another song!! I'm so glad that I'm a part of the family of God)

Ok..time to be truthful, I'm blogging when I have at least three other things I have to do. So that's what I must do.

'Night

Watch for God

Tonight was the first night of Vacation Bible School. It was awesome- Glendale is such a laid back church, there isn't a big emphasis on how things look (but things look good) but an emphasis on God, on teaching the kids (and adults) to see God.

I'm in charge of a video and a map that allows the kids to share when they spotted God. The emphasis isn't just on nature and things but on somebody being nice to you, a smile. It really made me sit back and think about God and all he has done for me and what I missed because I wasn't looking. Today it rained on and off all day but when I was outside it never rained. I do not like getting wet in the rain (I hate wearing wet shoes) but I missed that as a God sighting because I had my mind on getting home and getting stuff and getting to church.

So now I will look to see God, I am usually too busy wanting people to look at me. We all need to stop and look and see what God is doing. In the midst of mayhem take a breath, look around and LOOK and SEE what God is doing in your life at THIS minute.

Legacy

**My disclaimer...I had very little sleep last night and took an ambien an hour so ago before I took a warm bath. I am not responsible for what I do or say :)**

Earlier this week I was thinking about a legacy. I have things in my house that remind me of almost every member of my family- I wear the same plain gold wedding band that my grandmother did for 45 years before my grandfather died Not long ago I was able to track down a doll cradle that my grandfather made me. I had people who told me I should refinish it but I didn't want to because it was the pink paint that Grandpa put on it. I have pictures and things that help me remember...My family's legacy is love through all things. My siblings and I may not get along all the time but when it comes down to it we are there for each other. My husband has become part of that legacy. When hubby's dad died my brother took off work to be here for him. One of the few times that I have seen hubby cry.

My legacy thought was when I was making cucumbers and onions in vinegar and water. I eat this like it is a gold covered truffle. Every time I make it I think of my Grandma. I was fortunate enough to have her around the corner from me, the majority of my happy memories are at her house. Who do I have to eat cucumbers and onions with me? Who am I going to give my doll cradle to?

My hubby and I want to be foster parents, we are in the process of it all. We want to be parents. We never got pregnant and no we did not find out why. We left it in Gods and and He has called us to love others children and we know that one day possibly one of those children will be ours and we will give them a family. A home they can come too when they are far away. A place were they know they are loved.

There is a song called Legacy by Nicole Nordeman

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

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So how are people going to remember me? I want to the person that my nieces and nephews look back on in 20 years and have them say...she was always there (man she got on my nerves) she supported me as much as she could. I want to kids that i am involved in that they are loved. My nieces and nephews are so loved that it moves me to tears at times. It has behooved me that I did not get to know my oldest nephew enough. He turned out much like his parents, beautiful (handsome) with some wicked red hair, he is very gracious and understanding. I would love to know this man that my brother somehow produced and am determined that i will know him better. And face book it helping greatly

Maybe that will be my legacy- to love others children so much they know it. Maybe i will have a child on my own and I will learn their scars and they will learn my scars, then one day they will be our scars and we can tell our stories.and one day we will eat cucumbers and onions together and recall our own story.

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So this is off track from before but it happens to me when I'm on the edge of strangeness- Strange thought that leap randomly through my head.

I was watching NCIS - I man really who doesn't like NCIS and I was wondering if when we for children if I would have to watch Hanna Montana instead of NCIS? I really like picking out what to watch on tv

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The First Time

I think I may have tried this once, maybe, I'm not sure... So for now and for all purposes this is my first time..

My problem is that my husband works nights which means that I am alone way too much and I don't have anyone to talk to and work out the days details with..so now I'm here..

I've been thinking a lot about my life..I am the youngest of four kids. I love them and they have taught me may different things about life. They are 5,6, and 7 years older than me, they spoiled me when I was a child and am still trying to get over it :) I depend on my brothers for advice and help that a father would normally give, our dad passed away in 1994.

That's not really what I've been thinking about but it helps to have some back ground.

I have been presented with two amazing opportunities and I would be crazy not to follow up on them. Actually this is a we thing because it affects Hubby and me. My problem is trying to figure out if it's the right thing for me or if I want it so bad that I am manipulating things. I work off my emotions and I usually don't take a step back to see how it will affect others or what the long terms effects are going to be. (for example- we have two dogs and I wanted them really bad but the new wore off and it's like do I HAVE to walk them, do they HAVE to eat and yes we still have them) So I am trying to figure out if it feels good or if it's the right thing for me..

I feel better now....